Just blowing off some steam...

I've been having a lot of trouble lately dealing with life in general. I'm restless, on edge, easily led to feelings of being burnt down and as fragile as a moth's wing. I try to paint, take photos, write in my journal, talk with my only friend, but nothing helps. I'm struggling...really and truly struggling to even get out of bed in the morning. Most days I end up sitting here, staring out at space and feeling disgruntled.  This probably stems from the fact that I'm bipolar and not taking my medication properly, but somehow it feels like it's more than that. It's a general dissatisfaction with the way I'm living my life, with the course I seem hell-bent on trudging down. And believe me, I know what you're gonna say...well change it then, but it's not as easy as it sounds. You see I'm a military wife and I'm tired of military life. I am so proud of my husband for having served his country this long...it just wears you down to be so far from your family and to rarely get the opportunity to be close to the ones you love most. My nieces and nephews are all growing up fast and we're forced to miss out on all their special moments. And last year, when my niece passed and we were denied leave to go be with my sister and family for the funeral...it tore a piece of me out that I don't think will ever fully heal. On top of all this, I'm truly struggling with trying to figure out what I believe in. My parents raised me in a very Christian home, but I never really felt the kind of connection that others claim to have to God. It's not exactly that I don't believe in Him...I just don't know how I feel about Him. I guess if I were to be completely honest with myself, I'm agnostic. Where my struggle mostly lies is with how my family will try to make me feel if I admit the truth to them. Don't get me wrong...I know for a fact that they won't stop loving me, but well...they are definitely going to disapprove...strenuously!

I guess the whole point of this post has been mostly to just blow off some steam and to get some perspective on where I'm leaning on things. I am grateful to be alive and to have my husband and our two dogs...I just need to figure out how to make more of life.

So, I did it again...lost my password and had to start all over. I finally found it...obviously, but have been writing my new blog over athttp://lifescherryontop.blogspot.com/ Please feel free to pop on over there and visit anytime.

I Remembered!

So I finally managed to figure out my password for my gmail account and I'm back! YaY! More later! Good night all!

The Great Deluge of 2009

It has been raining here, non-stop, for the past 36 to 48 hours and to say the least it is starting to cause some major issues. The dear husband was actually sent home early today because of fears of flooding and in fact he just managed to make it home before they closed the roadway on which he commutes. Last night the wind was roaring, the rain was spattering against my windows, knocking things over, blowing things away, making things go bump in the night...I don't think the dogs or I slept for longer than 10 minute stretches at a time. We aren't supposed to have any respite from this drenching downpour, till at least tomorrow morning(if we're lucky). I confess I am a bit worried and here's why:

So if you have any thoughts and prayers to offer out there, we sure could use them! For now though, the dear husband and I will snuggle close to our puppies, be thankful we haven't yet lost electric power,

Munch our home-made scones,And enjoy our lovely tea.

Here's hoping our house is part houseboat!!!LOL!

A list of sweeps....

Inspired by today's post over at http://joannedemaio.blogspot.com/, I decided to make a visual list of some of the people and things that sweep me off my feet.....

Alright, I know it was pretty obvious but my husband can definitely make me swoon any day!It is so easy for me to be caught up in anything dealing with ancient history and humanityThere is so much beauty in the natural world that I honestly think it takes a hard-hearted person not to be able to be touched by it.Do I even need to say anything???I have been in love with the ballet since I was in the 4th grade and got to attend the Nutcracker. Such grace and beauty are hard not to become lost in...Let me just state that it is my personal opinion that Billie Holiday is one of the finest singers to ever open her mouth. That woman's voice knows how to creep down in your bones and send your head to spinning!And last but not least...that's right...I went there...chocolate! I mean come on...not to detract from anything....but seriously, sometimes the right piece of chocolate can be a near religious experience!

So what are some of the things that sweep you off your feet??

A simple Thank-you

I wish to say thank-you to all who have so bravely served our country and also to their families who have been there with all the love and support that they can provide for our troops!

Something to think about....

An acquaintance of mine recently made a facebook post that caught my attention and got me to thinking. The issue being discussed between said acquaintance and his friends was their" horror, fright, and disbelief" over the fact that Mr. Glenn Beck's newest book has become the #1 non-fiction-bestseller in the Country. Comments promptly headed into the territory of derogatory name calling and the belittlement of the intellectual capacity of anyone agreeing with him( I believe references were made along the lines of surprise that "those people" could actually read and of their being anti-intellectual). Now whether or not you agree with Mr. Beck is another matter all together, but what I find most bothering about this whole issue is the fact that the aforementioned author of the post and his friends have to stoop to disparaging the mental capacity of anyone that simply doesn't agree with their views. I thought a true sign of an intellectual being was one of tolerance and willingness to agree to disagree. I know it happens on both sides and I'm not trying to make it out as if their the only ones underrating other people, but it's wrong for anyone to clump a set of people together and stamp them with your overly-biased judgement. I know that I have been guilty of doing that in the past and believe me, I've had crow to eat over it, but really...are we a bunch of 8 year olds on the playground calling each other names simply because we don't agree on all the issues? Whatever happened to that thing so much called on but rarely enacted upon, known as intelligent debate? And guess what...just because someone doesn't view things the same way you do...doesn't make them any less capable or prone to idiocy. It just means their different and isn't difference something we're all supposed to celebrate?!

What, oh what, to say???

For the past couple of days, I have been wracking my brain trying to think up some interesting topic to share with you and yet, even now...everything seems so self-centered...so pointless. Do I talk to you about how I just found out that I can't run my microwave and coffee pot at the same time(my soup is only lukewarm, but at least I'll have my much needed mug of hot tea)? Do I tell you about how I've become obsessed with tea and all the comforts a cup of it tends to engender in me? Do I talk about how bleary the days seem here and that I have begun to wonder if the sun will ever show his head out from behind the clouds again? Do I opine about how my sedentary lifestyle is robbing me of my health and that I have been ill so much this year that I can count on one hand, the days that I've actually felt whole? Or do I mention that I'm so weary of my lack of day-to-day interaction with anyone other than my husband, that I'm sure that only my meds have kept me from losing my mind? No...no...I'm tired of hearing my own complaining and self-centered views. I want to hear more about you all...and that's partly why I've been trying to catch up on your blogs(some of you, I haven't been able to visit as I would like to, due to my silly lap-top being a near antique) instead of posting anything of my own. I like to hear about your day and your thoughts on whatever it is that interests you. I guess you could say, I'm becoming a better listener than a speaker. So, are you all looking forward to the holidays? Will you be seeing family, friends? Do you have any traditions that you look forward to each year? What about memories of holidays past? Anyone that you miss this time of year? I look forward to hearing about it all and I ask your indulgence if I don't speak up quite as much as I have in the past. I'm trying a little experiment of living outside myself and not focusing so much on my own concerns. Hope you all will have a great day!

Howdy!!

Hello Everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend! Mine wasn't that bad at all...went out with the dear husband yesterday and spent most of today working on a new painting. I'm slowly but surely starting to make my way back to all you bloggy friends of mine, but I will show you part of what has been keeping me busy lately....Hope you enjoy!

I finally found what's left of our paints and decided to give it a go...This is a rough, fast sketch of one of my grandfathers. The point of the exercise was to get it as nicely done as possible without having to ever erase.This is what I was working on today...It's a picture of my sister Mary. I adapted it from a wedding photo of her's.Just a little close up of the face.

Anyways, I hope you all will have a wonderful week and I'll be seeing ya!

Just Something...

The past two days have been harder ones for me. I've not had major losses, but I've been dealing with an emotional roller coaster of half forgotten memories and repressed feelings. Last evening things finally came to a head and the dear husband and I had a great row. I think I cried the entire rest of the night and actually had to call off my much anticipated plans for today just because I'm so drained. I'm not very good company these days....I can't seem to drag myself out of the sweep of depression that threatens to drown me, and I'm even still on my meds. I'm not asking or seeking anyone's sympathy....I just need to talk. I feel trapped by circumstances that are beyond my control and seem to only be continuing to spiral out of reach. Life just.... isn't.... I miss my family, I miss the few friends I have, I miss the person I wanted to be. I miss it all.

Hello from me again!

Another sullen afternoon here and sometimes I think if it wasn't for a good book and a cup of hot peppermint tea, it'd be enough to drive a girl to drink! Took a little walk earlier and it was lovely to be out seeing all the trees that have begun to put on their fall color and having the feeling of a crisp breeze across my face. Lately I find myself staring out my windows for hours on end, watching all the birds and the little squirrels as they all scurry about in search of some kind of sustenance. I keep trying to snap a picture of one of the many little furry friends we have around here, but they tend to be too fast for my poor camera's shutter speed. Speaking of pictures though, I did promise some of the autumn color so I hope that you enjoy these:

I did also want to say that I am sorry that I haven't been around more often and that if I have somehow offended someone, I apologize. Hope you all have a lovely evening!

A Good morning to all...

Good morning and hello to all my friends out there! I hope you've been able to enjoy this wonderful month so far! I've just been trying to finish up a bit of settling in and have even had a guest already! My best friend came for a week, and as we hadn't seen each other in 2 years, it was a wonderful, but long overdue visit. Other than that, my dear husband and I have been trying to get onto some kind of workable schedule. Now that most of his squadron has finally moved to Norfolk, we are hoping that they will be able to settle on more definite work hours and such. I've been wanting to find a job and get enrolled in school, but as we only have one vehicle currently and haven't been sure of what hours the dear husband would be working, it's been nigh impossible to do such. The family all seems to be doing as well as usual, though an uncle of mine did have to go into surgery. He came through it fine and though he has a long recovery road ahead of him, we believe he'll make a full return to sound health. I have also been trying to keep up with my reading and just finished D.H. Lawrence's, " Lady Chatterley's Lover". I enjoyed it and am currently on to "Far from the Madding Crowd", by Thomas Hardy. Haven't yet made any friends here, but I've been looking at meetup.com for some interest groups, as a way to get out and meet people. I'm supposed to attend a knitting group on Wednesday and am looking forward to learning to knit and hopefully making some new friends. There is also a literary group, that I am interested in, but we shall wait and see how it all turns out. I must admit that when we first moved into this area, I was not fond of it at all; I have however grown to like it and even with all the little flaws and dings, I love our little home. I'll have to try to post some pictures I've taken of the fall color from around here! Unfortunately, I hear some dishes calling my name, so I will take my leave for now. Hope all is well with you and know you are all never far from my thoughts! If I don't write again before then....HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

My thoughts on this fall day

I have to start out by saying that today has been absolutely gorgeous here! There was a bit of cloud cover this morning, but it melted away early and left us with a vibrant blue sky. I've not been up to one darn thing today either...I needed a brake! Most the morning, I spent contemplating how wonderfully made this old world of ours is and admiring God's handiwork. This afternoon, when I haven't found myself staring out at the sun-dappled tree leaves, I've been catching up on face book and doing a spot of reading. A palpable sense of serenity has blanketed me all day and it leaves me feeling so very grateful. There are loads of trouble and care that we are often asked to carry and I think too often we forget to simply release them for awhile, stand up, shake ourselves off, and just admire the constant swirl and dance of life around us. Tomorrow, I may be neck deep in something I don't think I can take, but for now...in this moment, I am happy. Life is beautiful! I hope that whatever you have going on in your life right now, you are able to take a precious few moments to part the worries and see the beauty that is always waiting for us. Have a wonderful rest of the day and God bless!

Hey...don't I know you???!!

Hello from one who seems to have lost herself in the shuffle! It has been awhile since I've been around and though I don't have much time to catch up with you all right this minute, I am glad to say that I should be around a bit more often. It's been a rather"interesting" move but, I'm beginning to despair of ever truly getting everything settled and in place. I'm still surrounded by a sea of boxes and let me just add...if I ever have to see so much brown cardboard in one place again(and I know I will) I want it made very clear that I am not to be held responsible for what I may do afterwards! It hasn't helped matters that I've been sick practically from the moment we got here and even had to take a little trip to the hospital(more on that later), nor has it aided in the settlement cause, to have had my husband have to turn around and leave for two weeks about a week and a half after we arrived. Hopefully, things will be calmer the next few months and I won't have to end up running around bald-headed from having pulled my hair out! Well, I just wanted to pop in, say hello, and let you know that I really haven't fallen off the face of the earth(yet). I hope you all are doing well and I look forward with eager excitement to catching up with all our old familiar faces! Have a very blessed day!

Just a quick hello!

I'll apologize for not being around lately, but I have been under a lot of stress with trying to get ready for the move and trying to find a place to live. To top that all off, they moved up our moving date to the 1st of Sept....so we've been really having to scramble to get everything done. Got our pack-out dates today and I'm just ready to have all this over with! So please, keep us in your thoughts and prayers! Hopefully next time I get to write to you, I'll be in Virginia!!
Hope everyone is doing well!!

You go in for a couple strands of thread and walk out with a bargain...

You have to love walking into a store with the determination that you're only going to buy a couple of strands of embroidery floss and walking out with not only a really great deal on a metal shelf, but also some cute wall decor too! I bugged the dear husband earlier to come with me to the craft store to refill a couple colors of thread that I've been needing and while we were there, we browsed down the clearance isles. It was there we found this great piece:

It's normally priced at $50, but we were able to snag it for $17!!!! Believe me, I had to do a double take when I saw the price tag!The dear husband was really fond of this too and at 50% off, I couldn't say no!

I know that I probably shouldn't be buying more stuff right now, considering we've got the move coming up in about 5 weeks, but I just couldn't pass these up! Did I get some great bargains or what??

Congrats to the Winner!!

Well ladies and gents we have a winner!! Congratulations go out to Sandy @ http://newfie-girl.blogspot.com/ for being the winner of my giveaway contest.

Hope you'll really enjoy it Sandy and everyone else be on the look-out for another giveaway coming soon!

A quickie...

Just wanted to pop in for a quick little post to say hi and hello! Hope everyone out there is doing well. I actually had a good night tonight and am really looking forward to tomorrow afternoon. I've got a Dr. appt. then and I hope to be able to get back on my medication. I know for my dear husband's sake and heck, for my own sake...I need to stick with my meds and not allow myself to go off them. Speaking of the dear husband...poor guy came home feeling a bit under the weather, so at first I thought that any plans I'd had for going out would be nixed...however I sent him to bed to rest and decided that even if he couldn't go with me, there was no reason why I shouldn't still go alone. At the last minute though, I called up a friend of mine here and asked if she'd like to just go walking around Wal-Mart with me and when she agreed, I was glad I'd gone through with the impulse. It was so nice to be able to get out and have someone besides the dear husband to talk to. I haven't had a lot of that lately, so it was exactly like a breath of fresh air! It was even more productive too because she also happens to be the ombudsman for our squadron and she's going to help me get everything as organized for our move as possible! It's nice to have someone to help us that knows what she's doing!

Anyways, I hope you are all doing well and wanted to give you one last reminder about the giveaway on Saturday! Good luck to everyone!

Am I driving you crazy yet???

I know lately the only time I write is when I'm posting about some new thing that I've made, but honestly...it's just about the only thing I'm doing right now. It's been a lot of fun trying to make new things and seeing what I can come up with, but it's also been a way for me to kinda bury my head in the sand and not have to deal with some issues that aren't the most pleasant. Between the upcoming move(to which we haven't done enough towards), issues with my family, financial problems, and worrying about my pup's health...I just feel a need to escape. And I'll be honest, I'm working on trying to improve so that maybe I can use my needle crafting as a way to bring in a little extra income. So please, bear with me till I can get my head back on straight and once again start blogging about more than just the pillow I made or the embroidery I'm working on. With that being said, here's the two newest projects that I've completed:

Okay so I haven't exactly figured out just yet how I want to use this piece, but I've at least gotten this part of it done. I wanted a bit more of a challenge and it was fun to try and get all the little detailed lines in there.I made this mini-pillow with the idea in mind to start working on my blind stitch....which I'm terrible at! I'm just glad you can't see how badly I stitched the bottom of this poor pillow!

Well, that's it for now. I hope you've all had a wonderful weekend and please don't forget to put an entry in for my giveaway!

Finally another Giveaway!!!!

Well, I know that I've been talking about a giveaway for a couple of posts now and guess what...it's finally here! That's right ladies and gents this is the post where I ask that if you want to enter please send me one email only with " Hey I Want That" as the subject line and you'll be entered to win. The giveaway runs from today till August 1 and the winner will be chosen using a random number generator. Good luck !