Friday, June 19, 2009

I've got a million and one things to tell you...okay maybe just 5!

I'll go ahead and ask your forgiveness for the yo-yoing I will probably be doing with this post. I feel as if I have a million and one things that I want to tell you all about, but I'll try to keep it into some kind of cohesive whole.

1.) My mom and I have been discussing the possibility of she and my niece coming down for a week. I would enjoy this beyond measure and hope that we'll find a way to make it happen. My niece has been telling my mom that she really wants to come see me and you can probably tell how much that gets to a big ole' softy like me. The dear husband and I have been so inspired by the idea that they might come see us, that we have decided to write and illustrate a fairytale with my niece as the heroine. I'll keep you up to date on how that turns out.

2.)I've decided to do my own little summer reading project and, as silly as this may sound, I'm hoping to be able to have read 100 books by the 14th of Sept. I've got 5 down so far and I just started on the 14th of this month. So wish me luck! It maybe over-stretching just a bit, but hey ya gotta have a goal...right?!

3.)A few of the books I've been reading have really begun a process of self-reflection, culminating in a moment of clarity this morning. I've been trying to figure out why I allowed myself to gain back almost all of the 100+ lbs that I had lost a year or two ago and why I still haven't gotten my sorry self back into school. I realized they both have a common problem at their roots...namely that I'm afraid. Now I know that may sound strange to you, but I've never really been one to take chances, rock the boat, or done well with big changes and I realize now, that I have allowed certain things to happen as a way of letting me off of what I really want. As crazy as it may sound, I think secretly the idea of actually achieving the life- long dream I've had of being a healthy weight sent me reeling and scrambling for the other direction. It's also allowed me to criticize myself, as I've always done, for failing myself. I think it's so ironic that the very thing I seem to want the most...a chance to really live...is the thing I'm running from the fastest. I'm tired of running though and I'm tired of allowing every single thing I do to be controlled by fear...fear of the unknown, fear of what could and should be. So, I've decided to do my best to pick myself back up, shake myself off, and go for it! It's gonna be baby steps I'm sure, but I know I can do it. And to show you how serious I am about this, when the dear husband gets home, I'm gonna have him take some pictures of me so that I can have some before and after and even as much as it may kill me to post them, I'm gonna. I think of it as a way of helping to hold me responsible to myself and to you for going through with something that I really need to! Besides...who doesn't want to be eye candy on their husband's arm?? LOL!

4.)As I go about trying to make the physical changes that I need to, I also have to take care of my mental health as well. I am bi-polar and I know this and I also know that I need to be on medication to control it and help me not to hit those ups and downs that would cause me to fail. So, in order to have an over-all sense of well being, I am determined to start making sure that I regularly take my medication. I want to set myself up to succeed, not leave an open door for failure to slip in.

5.) Which brings me to my final point and I'll try to be as brief as possible. I have decided to start up a new love affair...that's right...I said a NEW love affair. I've decided that it's time that I actually start courting myself a little bit....take a chance to get to know who I am and what I want from life...what I truly enjoy and what I can do without. So, I'm not only going to be going on dates with my husband, but starting this weekend(probably tomorrow night) I'm gonna take myself out on a date with myself. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do just yet, maybe I'll just get myself a nice bottle of wine and have a sunset picnic...who knows...but I'm sure it'll be fun! Oh and flowers...I'll have to get flowers...I know I love em! LOL!

Well, I hope that hasn't been too silly or rambly for ya. I hope each and everyone of you have a fantastic weekend and don't forget to take a little time to pamper yourself! Oh and I'll post those pictures as soon as I can take em!

4 comments:

Paradox said...

Sorry for deleting the other comment it was full of typos :-S

You know what???!!! The 3rd one is SOOOOO much like me! :P I have been trying to loose weight, ever since i was in grade 6. And now i am 25. I have gained way over 100lbs. Last year alone I gained like 30 lbs. I have tried to loose weight in past. Like seriously i have tried to loose it for how many times now??? may be 20.. but i haven't had that "thing" to stick to it... I would always find something going in my life which would put my "goin-to-gym" spree on back seat... :( I should start it again and this time i should be more dedicated. Cause everytime I look at myself and I am like -"I have to *have-to* loose it..." BTW, I just subscribed to the shape magazine i hear they have some healthy tips... :)

Carmen said...

Good for you on all fronts! I've been trying to lose weight now since February and am averaging 5 lbs. a month. At first I was really unhappy with that, but now I realize that I'll probably be able to keep it off down the road. I'm so much happier being a bit skinnier! Not to mention the health benefits.

Also, it's good to spend time getting to know yourself. I've been exploring and enjoying my own interests. For me that meant volunteering and revisiting some of the old interests I'd dropped while raising my kids. It's been fun for me and makes the time with my hubby more enjoyable.

I'm excited for you! You go girl!

Sandy aka Doris the Great said...

I'm always wishing I could lose weight -- I start and stop, start & stop. But you know what? We need to forgive ourselves and focus on the starting. We are not defeated if we keep on trying! So, go girl, go!!

And #5 about courting yourself is so important. Celebrate who you are, concentrate on the wonderful things you have (the important things), and applaud yourself for being a fantastic woman -- good looking, intelligent, loving, etc. Do not allow the negative to enter in! You can do it!

Kathryn Magendie said...

This is not silly or rambling at all - it touched me ....and it feels, well, rather brave of you *smiling*

I love the idea of "dates with yourself" - perhaps I should try this - it seems as if my life is revolving around outside influences and I'm not seeing what's inside - what does Kathryn want (besides to write and write and write)...

I loved this post....