Thursday, June 4, 2009

Ramblings...

I am lost to these feelings of inadequacy, of regret, of broken relationships. Tonight is one of the nights when I have dredge up almost every lost hurt, every harsh word, every terrible sin I've committed, and slapped myself in the face with it. Why I continually do this, I can't say. Am I masochistic? Am I not able to rise above mistakes in my past and let an ocean of forgetfulness claim them? And what of the new wrongs that I seem almost unable to stop myself from constantly creating? I feel marooned on a sea of motionless tides, no breeze to fill my sail, no paddle or steering with which to guide my boat. I get so tired sometimes...so discouraged...so drowned in a well of doubts. I wish that I could find some kind of answer, some big roadside sign that says..."Here it is...come and understand"! I guess though, this is just the way that life is and there probably aren't answers to everything I want to ask.

3 comments:

frannie said...

Remember, the past is the past and only the devil will come and try to remind you of it and get you down about it all. Instead, look at it as a form of learning experience and what has shaped you into who you are today. God turns all things for the good. He started a great work in you and He will FINISH it as well. Be encouraged and strengthened in Jesus Christ. *xoxo*

Kathryn Magendie said...

BIG BIG BIG HUG FOR YOU - you are a beautiful woman who deserves to forgive herself for just being Human!

Anita said...

Thank-you both for your kind words!