Ramblings...

I am lost to these feelings of inadequacy, of regret, of broken relationships. Tonight is one of the nights when I have dredge up almost every lost hurt, every harsh word, every terrible sin I've committed, and slapped myself in the face with it. Why I continually do this, I can't say. Am I masochistic? Am I not able to rise above mistakes in my past and let an ocean of forgetfulness claim them? And what of the new wrongs that I seem almost unable to stop myself from constantly creating? I feel marooned on a sea of motionless tides, no breeze to fill my sail, no paddle or steering with which to guide my boat. I get so tired sometimes...so discouraged...so drowned in a well of doubts. I wish that I could find some kind of answer, some big roadside sign that says..."Here it is...come and understand"! I guess though, this is just the way that life is and there probably aren't answers to everything I want to ask.